And really, who does? Communists.

Communists want scurvy.

And LINKS!

Okay, we talked about more than that. A lot more. Like, an hour’s worth. So go ahead and listen to it, and make sure to tell me how it goes. God knows I don’t want to relive that.

So by the time you read this, the turkey will be brined, as will be Uncle Steve, and stuffed, as will be your sister Connie. See what I did there? I can do this all day. The peas will be steaming, much like your mom after your grandma informs her that “the hearth was dusty” and that “you aren’t worthy of my son.” The crescent rolls will be as straight as your cousin George, if you get what I’m saying. And the yams will be LINKS:

And that’s it for now, folks. Remember, don’t eat too much this Thursday. Try to keep it to under 5000 calories per serving and you should be fine.